Hello, Darkness my old friend – Day 16

A friend invited us on a spontaneous adventure down the mountain today. After an exhausting night of multiple bed wetting, anxiety and midnight feasting, it didn’t take much convincing! The warm sunshine was such a blessing.

It wasn’t until after dinner that I found time to consider going to my sit spot. I tested the idea with my toddler. “Right now?” “Yeah, in the dark! We might see an owl!” “Yeah! See two nests!” I bundle him up in a woollen blanket. He snuggles in and then flaps the blanket wide. “Wings! Too-whit-too-who!”

I breathe and tune in… I hear my shoes crunching loudly on the forest floor. Same leaves. Same shoes. Yet a new sound.

The trees are long, sleek silhouettes against the last whispers of light. The nest must be tucked away somewhere in the darkness. Are the birds there? We see the moon directly above us. It’s waxing. “AH-MOOOOON!” “Can you hear the aeroplane?” I whisper. “YEAH! PLANE! UP THERE!” Screeches my toddler.

Ha! Who am I to take away his joy? Aside from the plane (grumbling now in the distance) it’s completely silent. Except for my toddler, of course. He’s babbling and babbling. “Can you hear any birds?” I whisper hoping he’ll copy me. “WHERE MUM? WHERE ARE? AN OWL?” He screams.

I touch the coldness of some native currant and wattle leaves. Even the blossoms feel cold. A strange and unfamiliar sensation. “How do you feel, my love?” I whisper. “Scared, Mumma. Dark” He whispers back.

I’m awed by his simple honesty. His inner world shared so freely. He’s had some big emotions recently. Big anger about a particular issue. I’ve learned so much watching him process it. He woke this morning saying: “Happy now, Mumma! No angry ‘more!” I was gobsmacked. Just like that? I am thankful to give him a safe space to process and express his anger. Patience to let it move through him, rather than pushing him to fight it. “You’re safe here with me, my love. But what should we do?” “Go home, Mumma. Now!” We wander back. Crunch. Crunch. I feel my toddlers warmth snuggled against me.

The magic I glimpsed in those few precious moments at the fallen log is also snuggled tight inside me.

By Danielle Carey #wildgroundsitspot #30daychallenge

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